The November Man - Dir. Roger Donaldson (2014)

Sometimes I get manic and I get crazy ideas that sound brilliant at the time.  Then later I go back on another bipolar cycle and I don't think doing anything is a good idea.  The request that led to this post is a result of the former state.  

I thank Jay Maronde for spending his $5 to see this movie and write this review for me without any offer of monetary compensation.  However, it is with a sense of unfortunate timing that Richard Kiel (a.k.a. Jaws) passed away today.  Maybe as an homage, the next James Bond film after the one scheduled for production (Bond #25) should involve a plot eerily similar to 9/11.  I digress--I only saw Kiel in Moonraker, but it is easy to see there why he is such an important part of the James Bond Canon.  He effortlessly played a very likable villain that seemed like he could be your friend, to the point that he does become Bond's friend.  I am glad that I can mark his passing with this Bond-related post (and expect it to get more hits than any obituaries posted here previously).   

The November Man (2014)
Dir. Roger Donaldson

Pierce Brosnan Executive-Produced His Own Funeral
by Jay Maronde

About 2 weeks ago, I received an e-mail from my editor with the subject “November Man.” He implied that he would like a review of the movie (yes my turn around time is slow).  I Googled this film, and found that it was all new in theaters and starred Pierce Brosnan (one of my favorite Bonds) as a spy. Not wanting to know another thing I went to the theater the next Tuesday and the best thing I can say about this film is that I’m so glad I waited till $5 movie night.
                Let me start with Pierce Brosnan, who, as executive producer, deserves at least his fair share of blame for this stunning atrocity. (I would like to note that I mean atrocity because this movie is very difficult to watch, and not in some sort campy cult following way either.) I will admit I love Pierce, I really do, I liked him a lot as a washed up drunk spy in The Matador, The Thomas Crown Affair was a tasteful remake, he was classic as Remington Steele, and one of the few actors lucky enough ever to portray James Bond.  However, it appears as though Pierce wasn’t satisfied with his current body of spy/action work and decided to executive produce his own funeral in the genre.

His hair still looks great, he doesn't seem winded or tired, but he’s not in his most prime physical shape. There’s at least one scene later on in the movie where it’s quite obvious that the director instructed him to hold his arm across his body as the best method for distracting one’s eye to the fact that apparently all the James Bond money has Pierce eating pretty good.  Brosnan isn't the only villain here though so let me spread the blame around.

                There must have been a really good harvest of medical marijuana in California during the period of time in which all creative meetings for this film took place. I’m not kidding or being hyperbolic in any way: thinking back on this film it truly seems as if a bunch of stoners sat around smoking some great weed and said:

                “Hey man let’s make another Pierce Brosnan spy movie.”

To wit a fellow stoned movie executive set down his bong and retorted:

“Awwww man he’s so old.”

And the first chimed back:

“So we’ll make him a retired spy!”

And the second said:

                “See man, we’re geniuses, this shit writes itself.”

Because that’s exactly what the writing is in the movie: Hollywood drug-fueled schlock. The story is extremely convoluted and requires the viewer to make such logical LEAPS that sitting there you feel like you are the CIA agent, investigating what the hell is going on in this movie.  The movie drags so bad the viewer knows what a dolphin feels like caught in a tuna net.  Before checking my watch I would have sworn it ran over an hour longer than it was. A major part of this dragging feeling is that no person a party to this film seemed to have any idea whether they were making a buddy picture, a spy movie, or some sort of variant of the Liam Neeson Taken film series—not the actors, not the directors, not the producers, not this critic.

                Let me get to some of the better parts of this film. I will give some credit to the director that while the film drags, using the magic of very good music and pretty good cinematography the viewer definitely finds themselves perpetually on the edge of their seat. The eye candy is good-to-better also: Olga Kurylenko (another James Bond connection) is, as always, stunning in her beauty and her acting is better than most women that beautiful. The male lead besides Brosnan—relative newcomer Luke Bracey, playing Brosnan’s protégé in the CIA—does a decent job of playing a young confused agent while providing eye candy. The action sequences are good-to-better, and at no point did I get that weird CGI magic feeling so common in modern action movies.  The problem with some of the action is quite the same as the rest of the movie: you feel like the whole situation has grown entirely convoluted for no reason, but as a fan of action films, I can agree that the sequences were well-filmed and convincing. 

I've seen much worse, but in truth, I’m really glad I went on $5 movie night. 

The Bond Project: The End?

The Bond Project Wrap-Up

by Jay Maronde

                Well Dearest readers, as we’ve come to the end of a very long road, I would personally like to offer my extreme thanks to the entire Broccoli Family and the EON productions team, and also to the original spymaster himself Ian Fleming, for without this cadre of genii  none of this could have ever been possible. I, however, would most of all like to thank my fantastic editor Mr. Jack Knorps because again without his tremendous encouragement and editing none of this could also be possible.  Now having considered all this, my tremendous, gracious, and wonderfully understanding editor Mr. Knorps has asked me to write this wrap up. To wit: how could I refuse such a wonderfully respectful request from such a dear friend?

              Now, I initially thought that this wrap up would be much easier as we had earlier discussed a formal interview sort of context. During the course of our interviews it quickly became apparent that the big question most of all would be a ranking, a full and complete ranking of all the films. This is extremely difficult for me, like asking a parent to choose their favorite out of 23 children, and then rank the rest, so there was simply no way I could complete this task just off the top of my head. I assured my dear editor that I would sleep on this scenario and do my best to rank them. 

              I also want to note that my initial idea for this article was more of a “best of” type compilation, so please continue to read even after you reach the final end of the ranking because I think some of my favorite gems may come later on, but without further ado…

#1 Quantum of Solace

                If you read my reviews it was probably most apparent that this was my favorite. Director Marc Forster set out with a very specific goal of making a tight, hard-hitting action film that was “like a bullet.” Forster’s vision for this shorter, hard-hitting Bond is perfect for what is the only direct sequel in the entire franchise. Further, his allusions to other great films (including the demise of the lovely Strawberry Fields) comprise some of the finest filmmaking  in the entire Canon. (Less charitable review here)

#2  Skyfall

                Bond 23, the movie whose formerly impending release inspired this entire series of reviews, was more than worth the wait. The actors are fabulous. Dench and Bardem are the biggest snubs of this season’s awards shows' nominations. If the film were only slightly shorter I would have probably made it #1--it's really a personal preference (and a strong one) that I feel all films should be short so as to force the director to really tell his story concisely. But Skyfall is nonetheless amazing, I saw it in the theaters numerous times, and I will probably wait in line to purchase the Blu-Ray on release day. It was the first Bond to be filmed in large format, and if you still have the chance I would highly suggest viewing it in IMAX as it’s totally worth the extra cost. Bond simply cannot ever be big enough, and Skyfall Is a huge film that such an epic Canon deserves. (Slightly less charitable review here)

#3 Casino Royale

                I know, I know, I know, “How could I put all three Daniel Craig Bonds right at the top of the list?” No, I'm not just obsessed with the newest things.  Daniel Craig’s portrayal of Bond is beyond reproach! He is fantastic, and in this film during a discussion with M, Bond asks, “So you want me to be half monk, half hitman?” For me this statement is at the crux of why Daniel Craig is so fantastic in this role: he’s so fucking cold I want to offer him a cup of tea.  Like geez--warm up a just little bit!  He's so cold and so perfect that it makes you ask yourself: what you would be like if you killed people every day for your job?  I feel like Craig asks himself this question every morning before filming Bond. This film could have easily been number one on the list except for the fact that if you are to watch it without watching Quantum immediately afterwards you are left feeling almost a little empty inside.  (Equally charitable review here)

# 4 Goldfinger

                The man with the Midas touch! This could easily be Sean Connery’s finest Bond.  It’s the first time we see the DB5.  It has Oddjob and Pussy Galore. It has Jill Masterson covered in gold in a scene which was so iconic that it’s been referenced by other films in the series. The Shirley Bassey theme is delightful and unforgettable, and I think what really makes me choose this of all the Connery Bonds is that he seems so comfortable in the role, he’s smacking asses and really playing the role as a classic cad, in way that all other Bond’s up till Daniel Craig have tried to emulate.

#5 From Russia with Love

                Classic early Bond. Watching this film you can easily realize why the franchise has become so successful. Connery is young and lithe, and the scenery and sets are fantastical in a way that the franchise is still seeking to emulate.

#6 Thunderball

                The Tom Jones epic theme song is outstanding--it's honestly the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of this movie--but a close second is that this is the only Bond film ever to be completely remade. The remake, NeverSay Never Again, could be the worst thing ever to happen to the James Bond franchise and if I were forced to include that tripe in my evaluation it would easily be the very last film on this list, as the essentially-bribed-Sean Connery was sooooo old in the remake that the Health Clinic should have been a convalescent's home*. The original film was very good though, and for the time the special effects were beyond reproach: the underwater sequences are still a blueprint for those making underwater films.

#7 Dr No

                The original Bond. Sean Connery & Ursula Andress. Nuff said.

#8  A View To a Kill

                This could be the most under-appreciated Bond, and as such I wanted to rank it highly. The movie suffers from one glaring flaw: it was the very end of the Roger Moore era, and Moore is beyond geriatric.  Not even all the best plastic surgeons in the world could make him look any younger. That being said, Christopher Walken not only is fantastic but completely redeems all of the film's other flaws.  He’s so perfect, and he's so evil in a way that only Walken could be. Further, the sets and locations are remarkable and very memorable.

#9  Moonraker

                Again, I hate to rank the Roger Moore Films so highly, but the fact that the producers brought Jaws back, coupled with the outstanding scenery, sets and plot (Bond & Jaws save the world while in outerspace) really does it for me. Also many many people I know always say Moonraker is their favorite, as it in some ways is one of the more "approachable" Bonds.

#10  Diamonds areForever

                The sets, scenery, and characters are exquisite. Plenty O’Toole is a super classic Bond girl name. The reason I put it here is Connery was a little bit past his prime and the “camp” value is a little too high for me.

#11 You Only Live Twice

                I like Connery, I really do, But the only notable parts of this film are Ken Adam’s ridiculously amazing volcano set, and Bond’s Adventures one the mini chopper “Little Nellie.” The Volcano makes up for a lot though, and without a doubt a critical entry in the Canon.

#12 On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

                Telly Savalas is downright fantastic and easily the best of the Blofelds. Everyone hates George Lazenby, but I personally think he's great as Bond: his athleticism, youth, and enthusiasm shine through.  The problematic and singular reason why this very important film ranks so low on my list is Diana Rigg’s distaste for Lazenby.  It is so palpable throughout the whole film that it's almost like someone wrote “I was promised Sean Connery” across her face.

#13 GoldenEye

                Pierce Brosnan’s first entry into the World of Bond was a fantastic restart for the series. He was my initial Bond, and GoldenEye was the first Bond I ever saw. The women of the film are utterly perfect in their roles, the plot was ahead of its time as Republican presidential candidates were still discussing EMP’s during this past election cycle. And while I don’t necessarily like Bond in a BMW, the use of the Z3 is still considered the world’s most successful cross promotion ever.

#14 Live and Let Die

                Blaxploitation Bond!  Everyone loves Jane Seymour but me; I just don’t feel as though she's dynamic enough to be a Bond Girl. However, as much as I hate Moore I feel this movie is critically important to history as it’s a very British take on the entire Blaxploitation genre and provides an important historical perspective from an outside viewpoint.

#15 Octopussy

                I really liked this movie, and if Brosnan been able to take the role, it would have been much higher on this list. Again, Moore’s aged-ness is completely distracting. Q has an amazing role, and the India scenes are wonderful. And let’s be honest, Bond diffuses a nuclear bomb in the middle of a circus while wearing a clown suit.

#16  The Living Daylights

                I like this film, I even like Timmy Dalton (a great deal actually).  I like the plot, I like the girl (she always brings back very strong feelings of the epic Daniela Bianchi in From Russia with Love), but unfortunately, the villains are like some sort of bad joke, and not even all the great “sledding in a Stradivarius Cello case” scenes can make up for villains that can barely even make you laugh.

#17 The Spy Who Loved Me

                I feel like the initial Jaws film should have been a little higher on this list, but I completely loathe the plot and the Bond girl. Roger Moore is hard pressed to get any love from me.

#18 Licence to Kill

                I wish I could rank this movie higher on the list as Carey Lowell is easily one of my favorite actresses ever, and the opening scene where Bond sky-hooks Sanchez’s plane is epic to the point that Christopher Nolan borrowed it for his new Batman trilogy. Benicio Del Toro alone makes the film worth watching, but the concept of having Bond quit, (almost exclusively so Bond can pursue a villain the British would have no jurisdiction over) is too contrived for me.

#19 The World is Not Enough

                I really like this film also. I really wish I could put it higher on this list. Brosnan makes it look way too easy, Denise Richards (while a gorgeous Bond girl) is a horrible actress, and a villain who is not dead even with a bullet in his brain, but is a complete sucker for love,  is just too much for me to swallow.

#20 Die Another Day

                AKA BUY ANOTHER DAY. Everyone hates the Vanish, but I think for Bond to have an invisible car is cool. My problems are essentially that we have already seen the space laser plot, that there is too much early CG looking very bad, and the rampant cross promotion really detracts from the film. I’m also told the Korean being spoken is atrocious.

#21   For Your Eyes Only

                I  hated this movie. I Loathe Roger Moore. I don’t think that this film makes much sense at all.

#22  Tomorrow NeverDies

                You Only Live Twice part 2.

#23  The Man with the Golden Gun

                I hated this film. A lot. I really, really, really, hate the way Roger Moore beats up women to increase his macho factor in this movie.  The only redemption is Hervé Villechaize.

___________________________________________________________________________

*I have idea what Mr. Maronde is getting at by this statement but I felt the need to include it.  -JK

Die Another Day - Dir. Lee Tamahori (The Bond Project #20)

Die Another Day (2002)

Dir: Lee Tamahori

Bond Turns 20
by
Jay Maronde

                For the 20^th Eon Productions James Bond film, the producers wanted to go all out and make the Best Ever Bond for this grand anniversary. Die Another Day is a fantastic movie, filled with great action, an epic plot and superb casting, but it is so overfilled with James Bond illusions that it almost falls flat on its face. Let me be clear—I think this movie is great and could easily be the best of the Brosnan’s—but the viewer is constantly left with this impending sense of how great James Bond is supposed to seem that it detracts just slightly from what could have been a very awesome action movie. I could easily write all day about these allusions which in truth are quite fantastic, and the references to every single film in the Bond canon are very fun. However, it makes for an overly long slightly convoluted movie, and would make for a crazy long article here, so I will stick to the big highlights.

                First and foremost, to many this is known as the “Halle Barry” Bond movie. And yes Miss Barry, fresh off her Oscar win from Monster's Ball is definitely featured prominently in the film, and she is wonderful. So wonderful in fact that there was some talk of a Halle Berry Bond spin-off, with her reprising her role as NSA agent Jinx and Bond appearing only briefly for a cameo. Luckily for Bond viewers everywhere the producers thought better of that after the Catwoman debacle. No matter what you have to say about Berry, her role is well-written, and she turns in a superb performance. She’s a gorgeous Bond girl, she’s beautiful, and she’s a much better actress than most of the other Bond girls ever cast before her. Be sure not to miss her fantastic entrance in Cuba which features an epic allusion to Dr. No and Ursula Andress’ extremely memorable entrance.

Another fantastic Bond girl in this film is Madonna, who not only acts as Bond’s fencing coach, but also supplies the title song. First off, this title sequence is the first set of Bond titles in the franchise to actually feature into the movie, as during the titles Bond is being beaten and tortured as a result of his capture in North Korea during the pre-titles scene. Madonna’s song fits the movie perfectly and provides great background for a scene which the producers wanted to somehow play down (as who really wants to watch Bond tortured for 14 months). Also her acting in the movie makes her the first ever to do so. Many people did not like the song as they felt it was too modern, but I think it’s a wonderful piece of electronic dance music and was very popular in night clubs around the time of the film’s release.

                Another highlight of this movie, as it always is, is James Bond’s car, and Aston Martin is once again back with a James Bond car for the history books. The Aston Martin V12 Vanquish as the limited production model is known, was the first car ever made just for James Bond, like before the producers asked for a James Bond car, there was no such thing as the Vanquish. In the movie, Q (or R depending on how you feel about John Cleese) explains to Bond that “Aston Martin calls it the Vanquish, but we call it the Vanish” as he highlights the cars invisibility features. That’s right the car, besides all of its other cool James Bond stuff, is fucking invisible. Many people have complained that this was a completely ridiculous feature of the movie, and the haters can hate all they want, but it definitely makes for a fantastic James Bond car. The car features prominently in the scenes at the Ice Hotel, including a stupendous action sequence where Bond eliminates the diamond-faced henchman Zao (himself a throwback to GoldFinger’s OddJob, but played very well by the actor Rick Yune) after one of the best car chase scenes ever. A little known fact is that both the Aston and the Jaguar used in filming had been completely gutted and replaced underneath with the engines/suspensions/and four-wheel drive transmissions of Ford Expeditions to be able to perform well on the frozen lake.

                This movie features numerous really great action sequences including most at the end of the film, which is really just one crazy action sequence that has a fist fight, a sword fight, and a space laser that destroys a flying jumbo plane, all before James Bond escapes from the plane with no parachute.  All and all, Die Another Day is a great, very entertaining and fun entry into the Canon, but the movie makes the mistake of falling into the trap of the James Bond franchise being so in love with itself that it derails a little bit right as it rolls into the station. The constant allusions to the rest of the series bring back too many memories of silly Roger Moore Bond times, and while it’s a great movie to watch I’ve always felt like it ran long just to fit in all the allusions.

                 

               

The World is Not Enough - Dir. Michael Apted (The Bond Project #19)

The World is Not Enough (1999)

Dir: Michael Apted

The Best Brosnan Bond
by
Jay Maronde

                While many people have complained that The World is Not Enough is simply, not enough, it’s easily the best of the Brosnan Bonds. It does have a mightily convoluted plot, but ultimately the film is beautifully made and a perfect example of the “Bond Formula.” The movie also has a few Bond firsts, and plenty of allusions to other Bond films—including the title itself, which is supposedly the James Bond Family Motto as first espoused in the much earlier On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

                This movie starts with by far the longest pre-credits sequence in the entire Franchise, which is almost a mini-movie in itself. Right from the very first scene where Bond is in Bilbao, Spain in front of a Guggenheim Museum, the viewer realizes that this Bond is going to be a classic with epic locations that really highlight the globe-trotting character of Bond. Here Bond is recovering some a large sum of money and in true James Bond fashion the spot gets blown and Bond has to fight his way out. As he does, the Bond theme plays and Bond escapes with the money achieving his mission. I should point out that the credits were originally supposed to roll right here, but test audiences found the scene lacking, so the sequence continues back to MI6 headquarters where the money is being handed over to Sir Robert King, who happens to be a very old friend of M and apparently a person who needs to die, as the money explodes, killing King, destroying MI6 HQ, and exposing an assassin floating on a yacht in the Thames. Bond steals a fantastic speed boat from Q’s workshop, and jets out after the assassin. This is easily the best boat chase in the entire series and it’s worth noting that Pierce Brosnan did all of the boat driving and stunt work himself as in real life he is a power boat aficionado. The chase is great and eventually ends with Bond catching up to the assassin and offering her protection in exchange for information before she commits suicide on a hot air balloon leaving Bond to fall precariously onto the roof of the just finished Millennium Dome (at that time). Bond suffers a dislocated collar bone from the fall and this leads to two of my other favorite parts of this movie. Part one: Bond is injured and fights and spies with a broken collar bone the entire film. While this comes into play several times, it really seems to highlight how tough James Bond is as a character. He keeps fighting his way through the mission even with an obviously painful injury. Part two: being injured, Bond needs to obtain clearance from medical branch, and as such seduces the doctor in fantastic James Bond fashion, and indeed after he copulates with her, she notes in her documentation clearing him for active duty that he has incredible stamina.

                Once Bond is returned to active duty he immediately gets back on the case and is sent to protect Elektra King, the daughter of the assassinated Sir Robert King. Elektra is a wonderful Bond girl and played very convincingly by the beautiful Sophie Marceau. This is a Bond first here as it actually turns out Elektra is actually the very first Bond villain to be a woman. Bond spends almost the whole movie discovering this, and in the end eventually puts a bullet into her even as she swears he could never murder a woman he has loved. I personally think this Bond first is great as it clearly highlights Bond’s personal coldness and willingness to do whatever for the mission with no compunction towards whatever personal feelings he may have had.

While Bond blunders about thinking with his penis, he and Elektra go on numerous worldwide adventures. These include a skiing adventure which clearly brings to mind all the fantastic Bond skiing scenes from throughout the Canon, and also features some of the finest cinematography in the entire Franchise. The sprawling mountain skiing scenes are absolutely gorgeous.

                Another highlight of this movie is the return of former Bond villain but ally since GoldenEye, Valentin Zukovsky, again played wonderfully by Robbie Coltrain. Now if you remember correctly, Zukovsky walks with a limp and a cane because Bond shot him in the hip. As this movie races to its dramatic conclusion, Zukovsky is shot and uses his dying breath to shoot Bond’s restraints (freeing Bond from another precarious situation) with a secret one shot gun hidden inside the cane that he only carries because of Bond.  This is that fantastic Bond magic that can only occur within such a long and well established Franchise.

                The one major complaint that others have had about this movie, is really a tremendous gift to the viewer, because honestly, who doesn’t like Christmas—Dr. Christmas Jones that is. Bond’s ally Bond girl in this film is played by none other than Charlie Sheen’s abused ex-wife, Denise Richards. I would like to comment first off, that Miss Richards is definitely in the peak of her beauty in this film, you can easily see why she was in Playboy and many have often noted that her white shirt during the flooded submarine scene could have crossed a few tableaus, BUT SHE IS AWESOME. Bond girls should always have fantastic names, But DOCTOR Christmas Jones is definitely on level with Plenty O’Toole, Holly Goodhead, and Pussy Galore. While maybe she is not quite as outwardly scandalous, Richards provides sooo much sizzle that it doesn’t matter. Also many people have complained that she’s far too ditzy for the role of a nuclear physicist, but she’s a Bond girl nuclear physicist, so the fact that she’s clearly reciting lines that she has no idea about only makes the movie better.

                The World is Not Enough also features the title song The World is Not Enough, as performed by Garbage. I really like this song as I feel it elicits many of the aspects of the great Shirley Bassey Bond songs of yore while still having it be performed by a modern rock band with more modern instrumentation. Also worth a note is that it’s the last film with Desmond Llewelyn in his classic role as Q. He died shortly after filming and the film is dedicated to him.

                This movie has had a lot of mixed reviews, but in the end I feel as though it’s the best of the Brosnan Bonds. The movie is exciting and features a very epic pair of villains bent on complete world catastrophe. The movie features exquisite Bond girls, a very active Bond, and fantastic scenery and filming locations.  

Tomorrow Never Dies - Dir. Roger Spottiswoode (The Bond Project #18)

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Dir: Roger Spottiswoode

You Only Live Twice : Part Deux
by
Jay Maronde

                So let me be completely honest: I was going to pan this movie. I’ve been planning on panning this movie the entire time. I’ve been super excited about panning this movie and I even thought up this great article title which I’m sticking with even though I’m not planning on completely panning this movie anymore.  This film is easily the weakest of the Brosnan Bonds and was also the lowest performing at the box office. It also bears a striking resemblance in plot to You Only Live Twice, which of course is one more thing to slam on this movie about—but having watched it more than a few times now, I think there are definitely some redeeming factors and I still think that this film is worth at least a cursory viewing and in the very least I can assure you that it will be a highly amusing divergence on a rainy day.

                This film is completely saved from its “re-used” plot and deplorable casting by one thing: great fucking action sequences. This film’s pre-credit sequence could be one of my favorites in the Canon, as Bond is doing extremely James Bond things. He’s surveying a terrorist swap meet. The Admiral in the war room won’t listen to M or Bond, and orders the whole swap meet to be destroyed with a ballistic missile shot from a boat a long ways away. It’s only after this point of no return that Bond is finally able to convince them that the MIG in the distance is laden with nukes and this is going to be a catastrophe. With no other options but to save the world Bond leaps into action, assaults hundreds of terrorists by himself, steals the plane, and flies off with the nukes just seconds before the whole area is destroyed by the Admiral’s missile. Even after saving the world from a mess worse than Chernobyl, Bond still has to deal with a hostile who has returned to consciousness in the rear seat of the cockpit of the plane he is flying and another hostile pilot in another MIG. Bond dispenses with both of them in classic Bond fashion by ejector seat blasting his backseat driver into the other plane, thereby eliminating both problems, before getting on the radio and asking, “Where would the Admiral like his nukes delivered?” This scene is simply classic Bond. He defies direct orders and saves the world and does it in a remarkably cavalier fashion which leaves no doubt to the viewer that he or she is in for another classic Bond adventure.

                After the title sequence featuring a Bond song by Sheryl Crow, which is kind of a typical Bond song in that it’s not quite bad but definitely nothing to write home about, we rejoin the film as it begins to get more and more convoluted. As I’ve mentioned before this is You Only Live Twice: Part Deux, so the basic plot is that a super-rich evil villain is trying to start World War III for his own personal gain by this time playing the UK against China (in YOLT it was the US v. Russia) This super villain is actually a great casting choice with the classic Jonathan Pryce (who also plays the governor in the Pirates of the Caribbean film series) and he is wonderful as sort of a Bill Gates/ Rupert Murdoch hybrid media mogul who is so obsessed with himself that he’s turned to making news (by starting WWIII) rather than reporting it.  As it turns out his wife, who is played by the gorgeous voluptuous (and at the time secretly preggo in real life) Teri Hatcher, used to be James Bond’s girlfriend, so Bond is sent to “pump” her for information. There is a long scene where M directly uses the word pump to imply the Bond should copulate with her exclusively for the Queen’s purposes, which I also happen to think is great, and also it’s worth noting that this is the first time in franchise history that Bond definitely knows for sure that the woman he is copulating with is the villain’s wife and he still does it anyways.  Anyways, super villain doesn’t like this and kills his own wife and plans on having Bond killed. Bond of course escapes and goes on to save the day but first he has a fantastic car chase.

                As I’ve mentioned before this film is filled with really great, gritty, action sequences which definitely help the viewer to forget that this film is sort of a re-hash of older Connery Bond. One of the most memorable is Bond’s escape in Hamburg using his remote controlled BMW 750iL sedan. First off I should note that the use of this vehicle in the movie is still a direct result of Eon production’s deal with BMW and also this is the first and only time to date that James Bond is given a 4 door sedan by Q branch (though there have been rumors that Bond is driving the all new Aston Martin Rapide touring Saloon in Skyfall, but I have yet to see that film yet, and even if he is, the 4 door Aston is and will always be on a completely separate level from pretty much any BMW). Anyways, way before any of us had color screens (or even smart phones), James Bond drives the life out of this big dawg BMW with nothing more than his cell phone. In real life the filming of all the crazy stunt work in this sequence required no less than 17 BMWs, plenty of which were completely destroyed. Another great action sequence in this film is the BMW motorcycle chase through the streets of Vietnam while Bond is not only handcuffed to his Chinese spy counterpart and co-star Michelle Yeoh, but also being pursued by very dedicated helicopter borne villains. Now, everyone whom I’ve read (incuding Brosnan) really likes Yeoh because she did almost all of her own stunt work and was very dedicated to the film, but personally I think they should have forgone the obvious racial overtones and cast an actress who was prettier to play against Bond. The fact that they cast an Asian person seems to really seal the deal for me on YOLT: part 2, and I would have really liked it if culturally the world was ready to not need stereotyping in our films. Also worth note is that Natasha Henstridge (fresh off her superb performance in Species) auditioned numerous times for the role that Yeoh eventually got and would have been way better without the production team conceding to obvious racial stereotyping.

                I would advise watching this film. It’s a lot of fun to watch even though it’s definitely the weakest of the Brosnan Bonds. I feel comfortable telling you that Bond saves the day and the film ends happily without fear of spoiling too much for you. I can’t tell you that you won’t feel a little empty inside afterwards like you need to watch another Bond to make your experience whole, but on the bright side this is one of the very few Bond films shorter than two hours so you should have plenty of rainy day left to view another Bond film from the Canon. 

GoldenEye - Dir. Martin Campbell (The Bond Project #17)

GoldenEye (1995)

Dir: Martin Campbell

Rebirth of Bond
by
Jay Maronde

                First and foremost, I should mention that this was the first Bond film I ever saw. I distinctly remember when my father took myself and my brothers to the movies opening week because he wanted to see the new Bond. The people at the theater tried to give him shit that he was taking three children to a PG-13 movie, but if you’ve ever met my Dad clearly you can understand why this wasn’t going to stop him at all. Now, a big part of the reason that he was so insistent upon us seeing this film is that it had been six years since the last film and there had been a lot of talk at the time that there would be no more Bond films. Fortunately, GoldenEye easily became the most profitable Bond since Moonraker, and effectively rendered Licence to Kill’s poor box office performance a nullity.

                The reasons for the many years between Bonds are always convoluted, but GoldenEye ‘s longest-ever-delay also had some of the craziest reasons ever. First, MGM had sold the broadcast rights to the entire Bond Canon to a company that wanted to broadcast them on TV. At the time this was a huge copyright issue and lawsuits ensued fast and furiously. For some time the Eon Productions team was intent on never making another Bond film unless they had control of these lucrative re-broadcasting rights (yes, I’m fully aware that the SPIKE network generally shows the entire Canon during these recent few Thanksgiving holidays, and I have no explanations for you as to why other than money—but in the early 1990s this was not going to happen without a fight). Second, there were no more Fleming novels to make films from, and as such GoldenEye is the first film ever that draws nothing from the works of Fleming (other than the Bond character himself). Further, after the script was finally delivered it required substantial rewriting as apparently it bore numerous similarities to True Lies, which was also being made and released around the same time. And even further, while all of these legal and creative issues were delaying the project, the U.S.S.R. was dismantled, and the Berlin Wall fell; as such the standard James Bond enemy of Russia wasn’t the best enemy anymore. Finally, while all of this bickering was going on, Timmy Dalton and numerous other Bond standards quit their roles making this the first James Bond to replace Bond, M, and Moneypenny all in the same movie.

                So again the producers were searching for a new Bond. Luckily for them they had already decided two films previous that they had wanted to give the role to Pierce Brosnan, who at the time was unfortunately unavailable due to contractual obligations to the Remington Steele television series. So while numerous actors were again auditioned (including again Mel Gibson) the producers eventually went with Brosnan, and personally I think it was a wonderful choice. Brosnan is a great Bond. He’s got the Roger Moore suave, Lazenby’s youthful looks, Dalton’s willingness to do his own stunts, and Connery’s grittiness. For me he just looks the role maybe the most of all the Bonds. Also new to this film was the casting of Dame Judi Dench as M, and she is fantastic (many early reviews of the new film Skyfall have critics clamoring that she deserves an Oscar for her performance). Dench is the first female to portray the MI6 chief and while initially there was much talk about how Bond would look taking orders from a lady, Dench’s outstanding performance quickly removed all doubts as she’s far more imposing and leader-like than Hilary Clinton (who is the only person I can even think to compare her character with).

                The film also featured two fantastic Bond girls: not only the lovely and very-much-come-hither Izabella Scorupco as James Bond’s Russian computer programmer Ally Natalya, but also the fantastically gorgeous and very sexually aggressive Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp—the extremely memorable henchwoman who literally copulates men to death. Now the name On-a-Topp is a fantastic Bond girl name, like tops up there with Plenty O’Toole and Holly Goodhead, but Janssen (who later becomes Jean MF Grey in the X-Men movies) is easily at the peak of her youthful beauty. She’s stunningly gorgeous and easily one of the best looking Bond girls to ever grace the screen with any Bond. Her performance in this role is stunning, moaning orgasmic as she murders people all over the world—she is so convincing as a henchwoman that it is remarkable.

                The casting in this film isn’t the only thing that makes it awesome, as this particular Bond has some record-breaking stunts (many of which Brosnan preformed himself) including the tallest bungee jump ever performed, and the most scale models ever used in a Bond film.  There is also a fantastic tank chase through the streets of St. Petersburg. I should mention first that the producers were so pleased with the stuntman who performed the record-breaking bungee jump that they gave him a cameo later in the film as one of the helicopter pilots whom Xenia kills. The other helicopter pilot is actually the other stuntman who performed the stunt in the beginning where Bond defies the law of physics and jumps into a falling plane (the stunt was actually performed in real life, and no laws of physics were actually broken—as while all objects fall at the same rate, a human will fall faster than a plane whose propeller is running in reverse, which is how the footage was actually achieved). These two amazing stunts right at the beginning of this film definitely let the viewer know that this new Bond film is going to be action-packed and utterly fantastic. The other stunt I would like to mention is the wonderful tank chase through the city as Bond is pursuing the kidnapped Natalya in a stolen Russian tank. Brosnan is actually in the tank for all these scenes, which adds tremendously to the realism of the film even though the tank was modified so that a professional was covertly driving from a hidden location. My favorite part of the chase (which is almost always cut from the TV version) involves Bond driving said tank directly through a Perrier tractor trailer truck and smashing millions of cans of Perrier everywhere (in real life the company paid to have every single can recovered from the streets of St Petersburg so as to avoid any chance of crafty Russians being able to bootleg their product).

                Also of note about this film is the Car—not necessarily for the car itself, because it has a very small role in the film and never uses any of the cool gadgets that Q branch has installed—but instead because the deal struck between EON and BMW is always recognized and the world’s most successful product placement deal ever. The James Bond edition of the Z3 in this film sold out in less than 24 hours. Several Z3’s were used to ferry journalists from the Premiere at NYC’s Radio City Music Hall to the after party at the MOMA (also of note: this is one of two Bond films to not have its world premiere in London, and the only one to premiere in NYC (San Francisco hosted the premiere of A View To a Kill)). While this car may not be the most “James Bond” of all of Bond’s cars it is clearly a very recognizable symbol of this movie.

                Before I close I feel I should mention that I really like the title song GoldenEye, sung by Tina Turner and written by Bono and The Edge. Personally I hate U2, and loath Bono (I could go either way on The Edge) but the song is great it really recalls to mind the great Shirley Bassey Bond anthems of earlier films.  And while it is only a small part of the film, I feel like the song really envelops the viewer into this new world of Bond. This entire film is wonderful. It’s gritty at points, sweet at points, extremely interesting, and beautifully filmed with wonderful locations. Brosnan’s transition into the role of new Bond was more than successful and the continuing viability of the Bond franchise may be attributable in part to his performance. 

The Living Daylights - Dir. John Glen (The Bond Project #15)

The Living Daylights (1987)

Dir: John Glen

Time for a New Bond

By Jay Maronde

                 

                Everyone knew it was bound to happen at some point. Roger Moore was super old, and while Moore will forever claim that he “retired,” I’m sure the official story will always be that Cubby Broccoli fired his old dinosaur ass. So while The Living Daylights was still in pre-production, the Broccolis began the search for a new Bond—and the beginning of a new era for the franchise. This Bond search could easily be the most perilous and interesting one yet as many actors were tested, including a man who would eventually become Bond (Pierce Brosnan),  a man who would eventually become a Bond villain (Sean Bean in 1995’s GoldenEye), and even Mel Gibson.

                The drama of this movie began long before filming. As already mentioned numerous actors were screen tested in a very public search for the new Bond. The producers eventually cast Timothy Dalton as Bond.  While Dalton was easily one of their top choices, he was certainly not number one, as Cubby Broccoli originally offered the role to Brosnan after 3 days of screen testing. These screen tests proved interesting and actually very fruitful in several ways.

First, the original actress hired to screen test against the Bonds was Maryam d’Abo. D’abo would eventually also get the lead female role in the film, as she impressed the director and producers so much with her performance that they decided she would be perfect for the role of the Czech cellist Kara Milovy.  Second, the producers were quite sure that they wanted Brosnan as Bond, so they attempted to hire him, but that’s when the real drama started. Pierce Brosnan had been the eponymous star of the 80’s detective television program Remington Steele.  The show had been failing in the ratings for a long time and had been officially canceled when Cubby Broccoli offered Brosnan the role of Bond in this film. Brosnan committed, and then the story leaked to the press. When the world caught word that Remington Steele would be James Bond, a tremendous amount of interest was again sparked in the show, and on the last possible day, NBC utilized a contractual loop hole to un-cancel and re-hire Brosnan as Remington Steele. NBC was super excited about this turn of events and offered to completely rearrange their shooting schedule to accommodate the Bond Production. Unfortunately, Cubby Broccoli was infuriated by this scenario and famously declared that “James Bond will not be Remington Steele and Remington Steele will not be James Bond!”

Brosnan’s Bond contract was canceled, and Timothy Dalton as the #2 was again approached. He initially didn’t want to do the film at all but was eventually enticed and so filming began with a new Bond playing a new type of Bond. And Dalton was, definitely, a new type of Bond. He strayed away from Roger Moore’s “all suave, all the time” approach, and played the role as more of an “angry assassin” type. He smokes cigs like a champ, he’s much younger, and looks great doing a lot of his own stunts. Dalton’s more focused action-packed Bond is shown even in the pre-titles sequence, which happens to be one of my favorites in the series.

As the movie opens, 002, 004 and 007 are all being briefed by M that they will be parachuting out of a plane and trying to infiltrate the British radar station at the rock of Gibraltar (actual British military outposts at Gibraltar were used in the filming, making for some very excellent footage). The other two agents were chosen because they bore slight resemblances to former Bonds Moore and Lazenby. So, the three men jump out of the plane and begin their assault. One of the agents is immediately eliminated by a patrolman, and the other is murdered by a spy enemy. Bond is the last man standing and not only manages to catch up with and explode the henchman (in a fantastic scene where Dalton performed his own highly dangerous stunts on top of a jeep) but also parachute safely into the arms of a beautiful woman. All and all, many people criticized Dalton’s performance as Bond, but personally I think he’s way better than alright. He may not be all suave and goofy as Roger Moore, and he definitely has really bad poofy 1980’s hair, but Dalton is a very believable Bond and his willingness to do his own stunts really make the films that much better than the entire Roger Moore section of the Canon.

                Much like ole Timmy Dalton’s performance, the rest of The Living Daylights is not so bad, and while Timmy suffers from stupid hair the movie features a little bit of a silly plot, I say that the plot is only a little bit silly, and the reason is because the truth is almost always stranger than fiction and The Living Daylights is somewhat based on a true story.

The true story that the film is based on is basically the defection and subsequent “re-defection” of real life Russian General Vitaly Yurcheko. The character in the film is called General Georgi Koskov, and he is played very well, but rather effeminately, by classic actor Jeroen Krabbé. In the movie, Bond helps Koskov to defect, and he is then “kidnapped” from an MI6 safe house. What the viewer doesn’t learn till much later on is that Koskov’s kidnapping was completely staged so that he could run off with his drug dealing ally and co-villain Brad Whitaker. Whitaker is played famously by one Joe Don Baker, who is one of only three people to appear in the James Bond Franchise as both a villain and an ally (he returns in GoldenEye and Tomorrow Never Dies as James Bond’s American CIA contact). His performance in this movie almost reminds me of the type of silly southern sheriff character that the franchise had done away with during the Roger Moore era. Shockingly it works well in this film, as he is playing a rogue American West Point dropout now looking for the drug deal of a lifetime, and his reckless cowboy attitude only enhances his performance. These two may not be the most macho, or wealthy, or even most serious Bond Villains of all time—but they are certainly shiesty. Their goal in the film is to take money given to them as a down payment for an arms deal with the Russians and spend it in Afghanistan on Dope (of course), then sell the dope in the western market making a tremendous profit and using said profit to deliver to the Russians their promised guns. The complication comes in that they need to remove the Russian General Pushkin (the new head of the KGB, because in real life the actor who had been playing General Gogol was in fact in poor health, and unable to act in such a substantial role) because Pushkin has realized that they are scam artists and wants Russia’s money back. The whole defection is a scam to get Bond to kill Pushkin (who is played wonderfully by a young John Rhys-Davies*) and therefore free up this goof troop of villains to go on with their dope deal. Bond sees right through all of this and fakes Pushkin’s death before being captured by the villains and taken to Afghanistan (note to super villains: if you are doing crime on the other side of the world, it is best NOT to bring James Bond with you.) Bond escapes the airbase, unites with the Mujahedeen, storms back to the villains, steals their airplane full of dope and eliminates their best henchmen. In what could be some of the best stunt work in the entire franchise, Bond and the henchman fight it out on the back of a cargo net full of dope that is hanging out the cargo door of an airborne AC130.

                This movie also contains two of my favorite scenes in the entire franchise. First, at Q branch headquarters we not only meet the New MoneyPenny (played by a very sexy-librarian-looking Caroline Bliss) but we also see a new device that Q “has been developing for the Americans…we call it a Ghetto Blaster.” The device is really a shoulder mounted rocket launcher disguised as a standard 1980’s boom box. The really interesting trivia about this scene (besides that I think “ghetto blaster” is a super awesome name) is that while filming this scene, Prince Charles happened to be touring EON studios that day, and was actually the person who fired the rocket we see whizzing across the lab.

While on the topic of Q branch, I would be remiss not to mention that James Bond is back behind the wheel of an Aston Martin.  This particular Aston Martin is the V8 Vantage, and it is definitely rapper Rick Ross’s favorite Aston, as it’s the one he features in his music video for his chart-topping hit “Aston Martin Music.” But this particular Aston could easily be one of my favorites too, as Q branch has it souped-up with such a wide and spectacular array of gizmos that the viewer almost wants to cry when Bond totals and then self-destructs the vehicle.

My other favorite scene in this movie actually comes only moments after the Aston explodes, as Bond and Kara Milovy (played, as mentioned above, by the very beautiful Maryam d’Abo) still need to escape from pursuing villains. Bond and Milovy escape from the villains by sledding across the border on the cello’s case, and telling the awestruck border guards that, “We have nothing to declare. Only a cello.” In real life, this scene almost didn’t happen as when director John Glen originally pitched the idea the producers thought it would be unfeasible and possibly stupid-looking. To prove them wrong, Glen himself found an empty cello case and actually showed the producers how feasible/cool-looking this stunt would be. Dalton and d’Abo both look great in this scene which both actors really performed themselves (i.e. without the assistance of stuntpersons). I should also take this moment to note that d’Abo was a fantastic casting in this film, as she and Bond’s escape from the Soviet Block is remarkably reminiscent of From Russia with Love, and d’Abo is a great and even better looking substitute for that film’s lead actress, the eternally lovely Daniella Bianchi.

                With this film the James Bond franchise managed to introduce yet another Bond to the Canon, which I feel is extremely important to the series as a whole, because James Bond is so epic that he is no longer any one actor, he’s a character who almost every living male actor wishes he could be. Further, while many complain of Timmy Dalton’s performance, I think his new “colder” Bond is great. It is interesting to note that this film was written with the silly suave of Roger Moore in mind, and as such does not “comply” with Dalton’s hard-nosed Bond as much as his other appearance as Bond. The film is certainly a quality entry into the series and definitely worth a viewing.

 *Another veteran of the Indiana Jones franchise (playing Sallah in Raiders and Last Crusade), further developing some kind of vague connection between the two. – JK

For Your Eyes Only - Dir. John Glen (The Bond Project #12)

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Dir: John Glen

Atrocious Bond

by

 Jay Maronde

                This movie is atrocious. To be honest, it’s so fucking bad I had trouble viewing it and writing this review. In fact, I watched the next two movies just to psyche myself up for writing this, and I still almost submitted this review containing only the words, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Unlike The Man with The Golden Gun, this movie doesn’t just suffer from a bad plot, it suffers from bad vision—atrocious vision, in fact—and it doesn’t even have a midget to make things go down any easier.

                Let’s start at the very beginning, the very first scene. Bond is visiting his deceased wife at a cemetery. It’s sad, it’s stupid, and it’s only there because the writers/producers were unsure if Roger Moore could be enlisted to reprise his role as Bond and as such needed a scene to possibly introduce a new actor as Bond. Moore eventually capitulated, returning geriatric as ever—meaning that this scene has even less significance and seems even more tasteless. While Bond is at the cemetery, the office calls the priest and tells him to inform Bond that they are sending a chopper for him. Bond hops in the chopper, seemingly off to another highly important mission. Unfortunately, an unnamed, uncredited, bald wheelchair-bound cat-stroking villain shocks the pilot to death, and takes remote control of the helicopter with the intent of killing Bond. Clearly Bond isn’t going to die before the credits, so he pulls some pretty sweet maneuvers and eventually dispatches this villain. This “not-Blofeld” is here because the producers had just finished another extensive round of litigation with our old real life villain, Kevin McClory, and Albert R. Broccoli wanted to symbolize his success of finally being rid of both villains. Sadly this might be the most satisfying moment in the movie, as the rest just drags.

                The title credits feature a forgettable 1980’s anthem by Sheena Easton, which is only of note because Easton appears in the title sequence herself and is the first Bond songstress to do so. The song was actually quite successful and every Bond song since has had a tied in music video as a result of the song’s success. But not even a great song can justify the tripe that is the rest of the film.

                After the titles we are transported to an unknown locale in the Mediterranean where a covert British spy ship is quickly sunk by sea mine. The boat carries a transmitter to control the nuclear missiles on the British fleet of Polaris submarines. Clearly the MI6 needs this item back, so they contract fellow Britons the Havelocks to retrieve said item. The Havelocks are murdered on their research vessel right in front of their daughter Melina, played by the very passionate Carole Bouquet (who coincidentally is named Melina, the Greek word for Honey, in an Homage to Dr. No’s classic Bond Beauty Honey Ryder—another tragedy because Bouquet cannot compare to Ursula Andress). Bond is called in to find and interrogate the murder suspect, who is now relaxing at his villa, waiting to be paid by the villains who ordered the hit. Bond witnesses the payoff, and then is captured. Personally, I would have cut this whole divergence from the film as it really adds nothing but to introduce the silent henchman—then again I would have cut about ¾ of this film, or just made a completely different movie. Melina shoots the assassin with a crossbow, in a scene which I feel only adds to the anemic aged-ness of Roger Moore, as James Bond shouldn’t really need random revenge seeking women to help or save him. Bond and Melina escape, but Bond’s Lotus explodes after two low-level henchmen try to break into it (in a scene which was supposed to symbolize that this new Bond film would rely less heavily on gadgets, which was a huge error in the entire direction of the film because Bond’s super gadgets are a big part of the reason to view any Bond film). In truth the scene just makes Bond’s gear look craptacular, so Bond has to escape by driving the girl’s Citron, which again is shameful for the world’s best secret agent to be driving such a tin can.

                Next Bond travels to Italy, to a winter Olympic compound (added to the film to capitalize on the popularity of the recent winter Olympics in Lake Placid). Here in Italy, Bond again meets up with Melina and has a few assorted adventures dealing with henchmen of all sorts and eventually has a social meeting with the film’s real villain, who is at the time posing as an ally to Bond. The villain here is played actually quite wonderfully by the delightful Julian Glover. Glover’s performance is quality Bond Villain evil, but my major complaint is that he does a much better job playing a nefarious double agent villain almost a decade later in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade (coincidentally one of his co-stars in that film is former Bond Sean Connery). The whole Italian part of this film also adds nothing to the plot, as even though Bond and MI6 know almost exactly where the nuke transmitter is located (off the coast of Greece) for some reason Bond needs to wander around this ski resort town and have silly-ass adventures. I will note that two of Bond’s escapades in this part of the film contain very commendable women. First off while visiting the ski resort town, Bond dispatches several henchmen, including one whom he throws through the window of a flower shop. While the henchmen and the fight scene aren’t very memorable or classic, the girl in the flower shop is very notable for how she got the role. Robbin Young was actually the winner of Playboy Magazine’s, “Be a Bond Girl Contest,” and besides being rather pretty, launched her modeling career and was featured in a Playboy spread. The other notable woman is The Countess Lisl von Schlaf, played prettily, but again not memorably by the beautiful actress Cassandra Harris. While Harris’ performance isn’t spectacularly wonderful, what she did while off camera is the notable part, as she introduced her current husband (some little known actor fellow, Pierce Brosnan) to Broccoli, and clearly this would have some very long lasting implications for the franchise.

                Eventually Bond decides that actually getting in a mini-sub and recovering the artifact that the whole film revolves around will be a good plan. He goes to Greece, recovers the device, gets roughed up by some henchmen in an underwater battle, loses the device, fights some more henchmen, and eventually recovers and destroys the device. Now this seems like a great end to a Bond film as Bond vanquishes all the villains and does save the day, but again this falls short, as this sequence occupies approximately thirty minutes of the two hour plus film. I’m sorry but had I been alive in 1981 and gone to see this film, where only the last half hour of the movie had anything to do with the plot, I probably would have smashed my face into the wall of the building upset about the other 90 minutes of my life I had sacrificed to this complete drivel.

                I really wanted to write some sort of redeeming conclusion here, but I’ve got nothing for you, dear reader. What I can say, is that if you have a choice of watching any of the Bond films, this one would easily be at the bottom of my list.